In Quadrants

1.
I dreamt I got into a car accident. I felt the pressure on my lungs as my chest hit the steering wheel. Some things find their way on to the dashboard and I think of open-heart surgery and oxygen tanks. I rolled metal around in my mouth with my tongue,moving it from one side to the other before I spit it out.
2.
I woke up and heard tires squeal. Downstairs a woman stood in a floral nightgown, frenzied daisies spitting roses punching violets, and she told me that her daughter had broken into her apartment and took her jewelry, took it for the man she loved and the drug in his pocket. What can you do, she said, love is in the heart the brain the needle and the veins.

3.
When I nailed the note to your door I hope you realized everything I meant to say. I wanted you to know that I have wished for the same thing on candles and dandelions since I was eight, I wanted you to know that when you asked me why I do these things, I wanted to hit you. Your voice reverberates in me like a thousand bees flying through my ear canal and I want you to know that I hate the word fucking. I hate. If you haven't noticed by now I am a hopeless romantic. And so I hammer eight times the nail to your door. because I have eight reasons to love you and I have eight reasons to shut you out.

4.
And maybe I deserve love more then you. Grab your shotgun. Take it. Think about how much power you have. point it at me. If I see blood at my feet I'll just remember all the times I found love in something else. I told my secrets to empty porches and cigarettes. I stole my mothers jewelry, thought I was in love then but turns out substance is a powerful thing. Kept taking and taking and taking I found love in walks and I kissed the wind thinking maybe they were your eyelashes.Take your shotgun. point it at me.

And maybe I deserve love more than you.







(old)